Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize