I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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