it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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