I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
