the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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