so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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