just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
