You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
