The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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