that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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