Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
