i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
