Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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