I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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