Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
