There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
