I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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