Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was born a porn star she said
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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