I faked an abortion last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Holy shit dude........stairs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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