he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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