why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
