What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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