apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
