I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
