If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
