Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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