my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
