Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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