Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
