Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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