I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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