Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
