Midget sex pt 2 tonight
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
