yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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