I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
