Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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