I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
