Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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