we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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