...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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