I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
