Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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