My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
