I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
