guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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