i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
