he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
