Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
