Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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