evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
