I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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