Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
