a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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