thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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