So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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