Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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