I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
