I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
