The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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