you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
