three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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