is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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