just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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