wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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