things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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