benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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