I just cut my nipple shaving
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please don't give away my fajitas
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
