this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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