I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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