I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
