I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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