His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
