It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
